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The Christian Home Series - Pastor Stacey Shiflett

Writer's picture: Pastor ShiflettPastor Shiflett

The Christian Family Sermon Series

Psalm 128

1 Blessed is every one that feareth the LORD; that walketh in his ways.

2 For thou shalt eat the labour of thine hands: happy shalt thou be, and it shall be well with thee.

3 Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round about thy table.

4 Behold, that thus shall the man be blessed that feareth the LORD.

5 The LORD shall bless thee out of Zion: and thou shalt see the good of Jerusalem all the days of thy life.

6 Yea, thou shalt see thy children’s children, and peace upon Israel.

 

Part 1

Intro:  The Christian Family is unique. It will have qualities unlike any other entity on planet earth.

 

A. The Prerequisite – vs. 1a “Blessed is every one that feareth the LORD;

FEARETH: a reverential fear of God

The secret – the right start to a Christian home is a reverential fear of God.

Without that, there will be nothing but chaos and heartbreak.

 

B. The Pursuit – vs. 1b “…that walketh in his ways…”

It goes without saying, but you cannot have a Christian home without walking in the ways of God.

WALKETH: to go, walk, come, depart, proceed, move, go away, to die, live, manner of life

 

C. The Product – vs. 2a “…thou shalt eat the labour of thine hands…”

You reap what you sow, and you EAT what you sow.

You will eat the labor of your hands.

God said, “You fixed it, not you get to eat of it.”

In other words, you will get out of it what you put into it.

We say it like this – “You made your bed, now you’ve got to sleep in it.”

Or – “You made your bed, now you GET to sleep in it.”

It’s up to you which scenario it ends up being.

 

Having a Christian Home is work. A lot of it.

It’s not always fun, and it’s not always easy.

But if you want a Christian home, you can have it, but you’ve got to work for it.

Building a Christian home is hard work.

·       It means making hard decisions.

·       It means having hard conversations.

·       It means investing blood, sweat and tears into it.

·       It means putting up fences and guardrails and walls and boundaries.

·       It means fighting off wolves and snakes and little foxes and satanic influences.

Keeping the world out of your home is hard work.

 

D. The Pleasure – vs. 2b “…happy shalt thou be…”

The secret to a happy home is to have a Christian home.

It’s the safest, most joyful, harmonious environment on planet earth.

The happiest men are men with a Christian home.

The happiest women are women with a Christian home.

The happiest children are those that grow up in a biblical, godly, Christian home.

 

E. The Prosperity – vs. 2c “…it shall be well with thee.”

This is all anybody wants. This is all anybody could ever ask for.

A homelife and a family dynamic described as “it shall be well with thee.”

WELL: good, pleasant, agreeable, excellent, rich, valuable in estimation, appropriate, becoming, better, glad, happy, prosperous

 

F. The Partnership – vs. 3a “Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house…”

The depth of this description is more than we have time to cover in this one message.

But I will tell you this – it is a picture that only the Holy Spirit could paint.

It speaks of:

1. value – a fruitful vine

2. health – fruit – not Debbie cakes!

3. ornament – by the sides of thine house; adds beauty and decor

4. thriving – vine is singular; sides of thine house is plural; it’s not a sprig

5. shade – provides shelter from the harsh environment

 

G. The Posterity – vs. 3b “…thy children like olive plants round about thy table

The same thing applies to this verbal picture painted by the Holy Spirit through inspiration.

Olive plants were a great commodity in the Middle East.

A source of:

1. Light – olive oil was used in the lamps

2. Nutrition – used in cooking

3. Healing – olive oil is a healing ointment and used for medicinal purposes

4. Commerce – olives and olive oil is a commodity used in exporting and importing

What he is saying is this – your children will be an asset and a blessing.


AROUND THY TABLE is a picture of:

1. Communion – this is the center of the home in Eastern culture

2. Common ground – the table is where you work out differences and make agreements

The New Testament believer is forbidden to eat with certain people.

The upper room before the crucifixion was a time of intimacy, teaching and training around a table.

The Lord’s Table is one of the most intimate, loving, unified things a church family can do.

 

Your children will be close to you; fellowship and agreement; communion and love.

Having your children around the table is a big deal!

There is nothing greater!!

 

H. The Perpetuity – vs. 4-6

Get this key truth!

Notice verse 4: Behold, that thus shall the man be blessed that feareth the LORD.

MAN: Hebrew – geber - man, strong man, warrior (emphasising strength or ability to fight)

This is a key component in this entire chapter!!

If you want verses 1-3, you got to be A MAN!!

And if you don't have a man in the house, the mom has to be a warrior and fight for your kids!

 

God promised longevity and perpetuity.

I want that! I desire that!



The Components of the Christian Family

Part 2

Psalm 128


A. The Center of the Home

·       Psalms 127:1 Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.

 

God created three Institutions: The Home, Government and the Church

The home was created first.

The first home was perfect in its beginning, but fell prey to:

·       Disobedience, rebellion, insubordination, fussing, accusing, murder, false religion, hate, envy....

 

Without God at the center, the same will happen to our homes today.

Our text makes that perfectly clear – the Christian home centers around a fear of God. (vs. 1, 4)

The home is also extremely essential to the church. 

The foundation of society is the home.

·       Psalms 11:3 If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do?

 

LOOK at Luke 6.

·       Luke 6:47-49 Whosoever cometh to me, and heareth my sayings, and doeth them, I will shew you to whom he is like:  He is like a man which built an house, and digged deep, and laid the foundation on a rock: and when the flood arose, the stream beat vehemently upon that house, and could not shake it: for it was founded upon a rock.  But he that heareth, and doeth not, is like a man that without a foundation built an house upon the earth; against which the stream did beat vehemently, and immediately it fell; and the ruin of that house was great.

 

APPLICATION from Luke 6

Building a godly home should be a huge priority to every Christian. 

To build one, it requires:

            1. Listening to the Lord; God is saying & showing; we are searching & submitting

            2. Laying a foundation; speaks of preparation, persistence, premeditated, planning 

            3. Locating the rock; pictures the source of strength, surety, steadfastness, solidity 

 

B. The Companions of the Home

The Companions of a Christian Home are made up of a Christian man and a Christian woman.

More specifically, a Christian husband and a Christian wife.

NOTE: God is a father to the fatherless, so a home with a missing spouse can still be a Christian home.

God’s plan was for a man and woman to be united in holy matrimony and have a Christian home.

If two people are living together unmarried, that is NOT a Christian home.

·       Proverbs 18:22 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.

 

God didn’t say “whoso findeth a woman.” He said, “Whoso findeth a wife…”

·       Exodus 20:14 Thou shalt not commit adultery.

·       Hebrews 13:4 Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

·       Galatians 5:19 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,


Not only should the man and woman be married, but they should both be saved.

·       2 Corinthians 6:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?


God’s Word deals with the importance of the saved wife winning her lost husband to Christ.

1 Peter 3

·       1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

·       2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.


C. The Children of the Home

God created the family, and His plan was to procreate.

Genesis 1

·       27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.

·       28 And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth,

 

The first thing God told Noah and his family when they came off the ark was the same command.

·       Genesis 9:1 And God blessed Noah and his sons, and said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth.

 

Having children is biblical. This was God’s plan from the beginning, and it has not changed.

If you cannot, that is one thing. A barren womb is a heartbreaking fact of life for some Christians.

But God planned for the Christian home to have children.

Psalm 127

·       3 Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.

·       4 As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.

·       5 Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.

 

It is unbiblical for a woman to choose a career over having children.

·       1 Timothy 5:14 I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.

 

It is amazing to me how many parents do not know the tremendous responsibility that comes with childbearing.

Feeding them and housing them is the easy part.

Animals can do that.

What they eat and where they sleep is not the most important part of raising children.

Training them and instilling godly character in them is far more important!

God is looking for children that fear God!

·       Proverbs 20:11 Even a child is known by his doings, whether his work be pure, and whether it be right.

·       Psalms 34:11 Come, ye children, hearken unto me: I will teach you the fear of the LORD.

 

Conclusion: The components of the Christian Home each have very specific functions.

A. Christ – the HIGH PRIEST of the Home

·       1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ;

 

B. Husband – primary function is the HEAD

·       1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

 

Ephesians 5

·       23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

·       24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

 

C. Wife – primary function is the HELP

·       Genesis 2:18 And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

·       1 Corinthians 11:9 Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.

 

D. Children – primary function is to HEED – listen and learn

·       Proverbs 1:8 My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother:

·       Proverbs 4:1 Hear, ye children, the instruction of a father, and attend to know understanding.

·       Proverbs 5:7 Hear me now therefore, O ye children, and depart not from the words of my mouth.

·       Ephesians 6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.

·       Colossians 3:20 Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.



The Commitment of the Christian Family

Part 3

Acts 18


Intro: We find a Christian couple in the New Testament that have always been a source of great inspiration to me. You don’t really hear much about them, but they are excellent role models for a Christian family.

Their commitment is without question.

In fact, they put most of us to shame.

The Bible carefully documents their commitment to

·       the man of God

·       the word of God

·       the people of God

·       the work of God

Their example is very inspiring and insightful.

Let’s dive into the life of this couple and see what we can learn from them.

 

Aquila and Priscilla were…

I. Unashamed in their Adversity - …(because that Claudius had commanded all Jews to depart from Rome:)

No doubt, they had experienced great hardship.

They had been deported from their home for being Jews.

This would have caused many people to choose to disguise or hide who they really were.

They did not let the pagan Romans strip them of their identity.

Many people today would have tried to fly under the radar.

They would try to live incognito; as inconspicuous as possible.

We have a bunch of people today that would change their identity to fit in with the heathens.

Aquila and Priscilla were deported – sent out of the city of Rome just for being Jews.

We need a church full of families that are not ashamed of what they are.

We need families today that don’t wither and fall apart when they are rejected and mistreated.

We need strong homes today that are not ashamed of their identity.

They didn’t quit on God when they had a hard time.

They didn’t walk away from church when they got run off.

They didn’t turn their back on the Scriptures when they were surrounded by people that hated it.

 

Aquila and Priscilla were…

II. Unified in their Activities – for by their occupation they were tentmakers

(versus two individual careers and two different livelihoods)

The wife was created to be the help meet.

She didn’t have her job and her own banking account and her own agenda.

She didn’t pursue her own plans and her own goals.

Her life was one of partnership and cooperation with her husband.

I like the word OCCUPATION. She was occupied with what her husband was occupied with.

They were not competition; they were companions.

 

NOTE: They were of the same craft as the Apostle Paul. They were tentmakers.

APPLICATION: Imagine if every family in the church was in the same business as the preacher!!!

 

ILLUSTRATION: I got a bunch of people upset with me one time over a statement that I made from the pulpit.

I told the whole church – I will get excited about what God’s called you to do when you get excited about what God has called ME to do. (as the pastor of your church.)

 

Aquila and Priscilla were…

III. Unselfish in their Availability – and he abode with them

They opened their home to Paul.

I don’t believe Paul begged them or bribed them.

I believe they had a heart for God and the work of God.

Paul referred to them in Romans 16 as “my helpers in Christ Jesus.”

Romans 16

·       3 Greet Priscilla and Aquila my helpers in Christ Jesus:

·       4 Who have for my life laid down their own necks: unto whom not only I give thanks, but also all the churches of the Gentiles.

 

Paul said that for his life, they had laid down their own necks.

That’s where the saying comes from “sticking your neck out” for someone.

They even traveled with Paul if he needed them to.

·       Acts 18:18 And Paul after this tarried there yet a good while, and then took his leave of the brethren, and sailed thence into Syria, and with him Priscilla and Aquila; having shorn his head in Cenchrea: for he had a vow.

 

I’ve heard many preachers say that Paul was wrong to shave his head and go to Jerusalem.

They were both loyal to Paul – even during a time when he may or may not have been right.

 

One of the biggest obstacles in a man of God’s ministry is the ungodly couple – working together AGAINST God.


EXAMPLES

·       Ahab and Jezebel fought Elijah his entire ministry.

·       Herod liked John the Baptist; his wife didn’t. 

 

Aquila and Priscilla were…

IV. Unfeigned in their Authenticity

Can you imagine the preacher moving in with you?

The Bible says “he abode with them.”

 

ABODE: not to depart; to continue to be present; tarry; sojourn; to continue to be

Their home was suitable for the man of God.

A man of God that preached and taught on the importance of a godly home.

A preacher that preached on the home, wrote on the home; taught on the home.

They weren’t afraid of him seeing their relationship on a day-to-day basis.

  • Proverbs 21:9 It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.

  • Proverbs 25:24 It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house.

 

ILLUSTRATION: I remember when I was a young preacher on staff at a church in North Atlanta, I lived with a couple in the church. Earl and Lucille Gilstrap. They were real! They were the same at home as they were at church. Sweet, loving, kind, thoughtful, serving. They were a blessing!

 

How would you like for the man of God to move in with you and see your homelife up close and personal day in and day out?

How would you like for the preacher to be sitting at your dining room table working on a message while you and your family are interacting, talking, conducting your everyday business.

How would you like for the man of God to be sitting at your table during every meal?

Imagine waking up and having to deal with the preacher before you’ve even had your coffee?

 

Aquila and Priscilla were…

V. Unreserved in their Accuracy

  • Acts 18:26 And he began to speak boldly in the synagogue: whom when Aquila and Priscilla had heard, they took him unto them, and expounded unto him the way of God more perfectly.

 

Definition: way of God – journey, highway

They were both concerned about doctrine and truth.

They had studied the Bible and understood it well enough to teach it to a preacher.

Their dedication to the truth prompted them to take this young preacher aside and help him.

God give us couples that understand THE WAY OF GOD well enough to teach it to others!

People today are obsessed with their own way – not concerned about God’s way.

 

Aquila and Priscilla were…

VI. Unwavering in their Accountability

·       1 Corinthians 16:19 The churches of Asia salute you. Aquila and Priscilla salute you much in the Lord, with the church that is in their house.

 

            A. Notice their Sacrificial Labor

Aquila and Priscilla had church in their home!

They had a church in their house. Let that sink in.

This without a doubt took a husband and a wife working together and taking risks for Christ together.

They were both passionate about serving the Lord in a significant way.

They didn’t tolerate each other’s desire to live for God, or each other’s lack of desire: they were a team.

This required boldness and confidence in their ministry.

Persecution was rampant.

The risks were unbelievable.

The personal sacrifice and the personal stress-level was unreal.

·       Acts 5:40-42 And to him they agreed: and when they had called the apostles, and beaten them, they commanded that they should not speak in the name of Jesus, and let them go. And they departed from the presence of the council, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer shame for his name. And daily in the temple, and in every house, they ceased not to teach and preach Jesus.

 

            B. Notice their Sincere Love

·       …Aquila and Priscilla salute you much in the Lord

They were passionate in their love and in their embrace of other believers.

They loved the Corinthians. They had lived there and served with Paul there.

“Salute you much” – a genuine, heartfelt, overwhelming gesture of love and affection

Means also to bid welcome, to extend a heartfelt invitation of joyful reception

There was a mutual admiration and love for God’s people and God’s work, coupled with a mutual dedication to the furtherance of the ministry and encouragement of God’s people.

Aquilla and Priscilla were not self-centered people; they loved the ministry!

They opened their home, probably daily for the work of God and discipleship and training of God’s people.

 

Conclusion: What we saw in this Christian home was a commitment to:

·       the man of God

·       the word of God

·       the people of God

·       the work of God

·       the house of God

 

Their example is very inspiring and insightful.

Their humanity and their Christianity was merged.

Their relationship with each other and with Christ were inseparable.

They were not one way at the house and another way at church; their house WAS church.

They were not one way at home and another way around the preacher; the preacher lived with them.

They were not so absorbed with running their business that they didn’t have time to study the Bible.

They were no so busy making money that they didn’t have time to not invest in other people.

Their commitment to Christ and to the church caused Paul to say they literally “laid down their own necks.”


How does your level of commitment compare to this Christian Family?



The Communication of the Christian Family

Part 4

Proverbs 17:1 Better is a dry morsel, and quietness therewith, than an house full of sacrifices with strife.

SEE also 17:27, 28


Intro: We have looked at the Components and the Commitments of the Christian Home. Tonight, we are going to look at the Communication of the Christian Home.

One of the most important aspects of the Christian Home is the communication.

If everyone did what I'm preaching tonight, it would change your home atmosphere 180 degrees.

And it's absolutely free!

 

I. The Communication should be Thoughtful


A. The Communication should repeat Affection

·       Colossians 4:6 Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.

There is no place in the home for rude and disrespectful communication.

It should not happen between the spouses.

It should not happen between the siblings.

It should not happen between the parents and the children.

Hurtful, insulting, mean, hateful language has no place in the Christian home.

·       Teach your children to talk to each other with sweet tones and tenderness, kindness.

·       Talk to your children and to your spouse with a sweet and tender tone. Not harsh and mean.


There is NO place in the Christian home for swearing, cussing, profanity, off-color jokes.

·       Colossians 3:8 But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth.

 

B. The Communication should reveal Accountability

Husbands and wives need to simply communicate!

Tell the other one where you’re going, where you are.

They should NEVER have to wonder where you are or where you’ve been.

Accountability develops trust and peace of mind.

Children need to communicate with their parents.

Tell them what’s going on in your life.

Tell them about your struggles, your difficulties, your victories.

Children should never keep secrets from their parents.


C. The Communication should reflect Appreciation

Thank you; You’re welcome; I appreciate you. You look nice. Please. Excuse me.

Don’t let your family scream and holler and talk hateful to each other.

No name calling. No insults. No hurtful words.

Deal with it when it occurs. “We don’t do that around here!”

Don’t hold grudges; forgive and forget.

Don’t hold mistakes over each other’s heads.

 

Words spoken in anger are rarely thoughtful, but rather hurtful.

·       Proverbs 29:22 An angry man stirreth up strife, and a furious man aboundeth in transgression.

 

Screaming and yelling and hollering has no place in a Christian home.

·       Proverbs 15:1 A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.

 

Jumping to conclusions and rendering judgments without hearing all the facts is foolish and shameful.

·       Proverbs 18:13 He that answereth a matter before he heareth [it], it [is] folly and shame unto him.

 

Nagging, brawling, whining makes a home hell on earth. It has no place in the Christian home.

·       Proverbs 21:9 It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house. Proverbs 25:24 [It is] better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house.

·       Proverbs 19:13 A foolish son is the calamity of his father: and the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping.

·       Proverbs 27:15 A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.

 

NOTE: The harlot will entice a man with “fair speech.” You can too!

Proverbs 7

·       21 With her much fair speech she caused him to yield, with the flattering of her lips she forced him.

·       22 He goeth after her straightway, as an ox goeth to the slaughter, or as a fool to the correction of the stocks;

 

Even after a time of discipline and chastisement, there should be love and tenderness and affection.


II. The Communication should be Truthful – SEE Prov. 17:7

·       Psalms 58:3 The wicked are estranged from the womb: they go astray as soon as they be born, speaking lies.

·       Proverbs 29:12 If a ruler hearken to lies, all his servants are wicked.

 

Joke: Man told his wife after they first got married, “It’s ok. I love burnt toast.” She burnt it for 20 years until one day he said, “Why can’t you get the toast right?  She said, “I burn in purpose because you told me you like it that way!”

 

Funny NOTE: Avoid trick questions: “Does this dress make me look fat?”

 

Cultivate an atmosphere of honesty and integrity and trust.

Parents: Don’t let your children lie to you and get away with it!!! Deal severely with a lying tongue!

 

JOKE about the boys knocking over the outhouses.

 

Parents: Don’t lie to your children: There is NO SANTA CLAUS or TOOTH FAIRY!!

If you tell them you are going to do something with them, DO IT.  Don’t lie to them.

Don’t let your children laugh at you when you say something because they know you don’t mean it.

 

SIDE NOTE: Parents: Use discernment to know what to tell your children and what not to.

You don’t have to answer all their questions.

They can’t handle knowing everything you know about problems or trouble.

Carry that load for them.

Don’t burden them with all of your problems. That’s not being dishonest; that’s being wise. Ignorance is bliss.

  • Proverbs 11:13 A talebearer revealeth secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter.


III. The Communication should be Thankful

SEE text: Prov. 17:1 It doesn't take much to a quiet, peaceful, loving home.


Turn to Psalm 144

·       11 Rid me, and deliver me from the hand of strange children, whose mouth speaketh vanity, and their right hand is a right hand of falsehood:

·       12 That our sons may be as plants grown up in their youth; that our daughters may be as corner stones, polished after the similitude of a palace:

·       13 That our garners may be full, affording all manner of store: that our sheep may bring forth thousands and ten thousands in our streets:

·       14 That our oxen may be strong to labour; that there be no breaking in, nor going out; that there be no complaining in our streets.

·       15 Happy is that people, that is in such a case: yea, happy is that people, whose God is the LORD.

 

A lack of gratitude and murmuring and complaining will erode away at a Christian home.

Develop an atmosphere of contentment and thankfulness in your home.

Parents should create and maintain a contented atmosphere.

A happy, Christian home is not based on the price of the stuff in the house.

It is not based on the price of the house, or the size of the house.

It is not based on the amount of stuff in the house, or the number of cars in the driveway.

A Christian home is a home that has learned to be content and thankful for what God has provided.

 

  • 1 Timothy 6:6 But godliness with contentment is great gain.

  • Philippians 4:11 Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.

  • 1 Timothy 6:8 And having food and raiment let us be therewith content.

  • Hebrews 13:5 Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

  • 2 Timothy 3:2 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,

  • 1 Corinthians 10:10 Neither murmur ye, as some of them also murmured, and were destroyed of the destroyer.

 

Parents should not complain, and murmur and their children shouldn’t be allowed to either.

Be content with the blessings of God, thankful for what God has provided.

Children shouldn’t be allowed to complain at the table, murmur over the food, their clothes, etc.

Don’t pamper whiners and complainers. 

Don’t give them what they want when they whine.

Crying shouldn’t be rewarded. 

Avoid using the phrase, “I hate…”

Don’t always have to be doing something or going somewhere.

 

Conclusion: Twice in the last verse, David stresses how happy we will be if we live by these principles. Having a happy home is possible – provided we are willing to pay the price.

 

 

The Consideration of the Christian Family

Part 5

Haggai 1:5-7

 

Intro: The word “CONSIDERATION” means a careful weighing of the reasons for or against something

Haggai 1

·       5 Now therefore thus saith the LORD of hosts; Consider your ways.

·       6 Ye have sown much, and bring in little; ye eat, but ye have not enough; ye drink, but ye are not filled with drink; ye clothe you, but there is none warm; and he that earneth wages earneth wages to put it into a bag with holes.

·       7 Thus saith the LORD of hosts; Consider your ways.

 

These three points are crucial to having a Christian home.

I am placing the emphasis on the word “consideration” because these elements are intentional.

·       They will not happen by accident.

·       They will not just “fall into place” over time.

·       They will not evolve in a positive way.

You will need to consider their importance and make it intentional.

You will need to constantly recalibrate your home to keep these three things a priority.

It will require more than going to church with people that have a Christian home.

There’s more to it than sitting under a pastor that has a Christian home.

There’s more to it than pretending to have a Christian home.

It will require intentional, premeditated, purposeful consideration.

 

Consideration will prevent a wasted life.

Consideration will keep you from spending your entire life parenting with nothing to show for it.

Consideration will help you protect your investment.

Consideration will be fulfilling and prosperous.

It’s time to stop flying by the seat of your pants and have a Christian home – on purpose.

 

I. The Relevance of the Scriptures in the Home

 

Deuteronomy 6

·       5 And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.

·       6 And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart:

·       7 And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.

·       8 And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes.

·       9 And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates.

 

Authentic Christian homes operate by clear biblical principles. Every single day.

Every action that is taken in the home should reflect a careful consideration of Biblical relevance.

Every rule, every endeavor, every conversation, every practice in the home should be biblical.

Once that stops happening, the Christian home stops happening.

If secular thought and secular reasoning is the guide, it’s not a Christian home.

·       A Christian home is based on Christian principles.

·       A Christian home operates within Biblical parameters.

·       A Christian home pursues Biblical precepts.

Those principles are found in the Word of God.

The moment that the Word of God becomes optional, your home will cease to be a Christian home.

The handbook for the Christian home is the Scriptures.

The instruction manual for the Christian home is the Word of God.

If it is not being followed, your home will not be what God intended it to be.

It is my honest belief that a very small percentage of homes in our churches are Bible-based.

Too much of God’s word has been rendered “irrelevant” and “obsolete” in our homes.

“Well, that doesn’t really apply today…”

“I don’t think that’s what that is talking about…”

As a result of this dismissal of clear Biblical principles, our homes have deteriorated into a cheap knockoff of a Christian home.

 

II. The Roles of the Spouses in the Home

Ephesians 5

·       22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

·       23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

·       24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

 

The minute that you forget the importance of each other’s role in the home, trouble is on the way.

One of the quickest ways to invite heartache and misery into the home is to reverse the roles.

God established the home to operate with a certain order.

If that order is undermined, either intentionally or out of neglect, it will not work the way God intended.

The husband is the head of the home.

The wife is to submit to the head of the home.

 

The minute that stops being the case, you are backing up.

The day that the roles in the home are out of order, you’re losing ground.

Spouses that are out of order will have children that are out of order.

·       Mark 3:27 No man can enter into a strong man’s house, and spoil his goods, except he will first bind the strong man; and then he will spoil his house.

 

Once the man is out of the picture, the greatest obstacle to the rest of the home has been eliminated.

Women without a husband and children without a daddy can still have a Christian home, but it’s harder.

NOTE: Sometimes it is not the devil that binds the strong man; it is their wife.

 

Perverted parents produce perverted children.

Rarely will a weak man and a domineering woman produce godly offspring.

The order in the home is backwards.

So everything else will be backwards.

The only thing worse in a home than toxic masculinity is masculinity in a woman.

 

III. The Repercussions of the Sowing in the Home

·       Galatians 6:8 For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.

Listen carefully – you WILL reap what you sow.

READ Hosea 8:1-7

 

You will sow a spirit in your home that is carnal, or one that is spiritual.

You will sow a culture in your home that is carnal or one that is spiritual.

You will create a home that is of the flesh, or one that is of the Spirit.

It is your choice.

But you cannot sow to the flesh for 18 years and then pray for crop failure!!

 

The culture and atmosphere of the home must be one of continual reflection on spiritual things.

If church and God is just a Sunday sprinkle on your cupcake, you don’t and won’t have a Christian home.

 

If the spirit of your home is one of anger and strife, you will produce angry and contentious children.

If the spirit of your home is one of rebellion, your children will be rebellious.

You reap what you sow.

Carnal choices in the home will have repercussions.

 

God’s work done God’s way yields God’s blessings.

·       You cannot produce spiritual children in a carnal home environment.

·       You cannot produce godly children in a worldly home environment.

·       You cannot produce children that glorify God in a home that glorifies sin.

·       You cannot produce children that walk with God in a home that is out of step with God.

·       You cannot have the godly influence in your church if your home is carnal and ungodly.

·       You cannot be the salt in the world if the salt has lost its savor in the home. It is good for nothing.

Actions have consequences.

Parents need to understand that their decisions will have long-term repercussions.

Children will remember the inconsistencies and lose faith in the truth.

·       The truth should change and transform the home; not put a mask on it.

·       Truth will guide a home; not trip it up.

·       Truth will light up the home; not create pitfalls and traps.

·       Truth will produce long-term blessings; not short-term false impressions.

 

·       Hosea 10:12 Sow to yourselves in righteousness, reap in mercy; break up your fallow ground: for it is time to seek the LORD, till he come and rain righteousness upon you.



The Circumspection of the Christian Family

Part 6

Ephesians 5

·       15 See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise,

·       16 Redeeming the time, because the days are evil.

·       17 Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is.

 

Intro: The word that has been on my heart this week is the word we find in verse 15.

We only find that word twice in the Bible, but we find the spirit and idea of that word many, many times.

 

DEFINITION: Circumspectly: exactly, accurately, diligently

We have a word today that we use more than we use the word circumspectly.

It is the word CONSCIENTIOUS which means based on the conscience; meticulous

In other words, it was done deliberately as opposed to unconsciously.

Life is to short to live on autopilot.

We have far too many Christians living their life haphazardly, without purpose or forethought.

The Bible is extremely clear about the importance of the Christian life being done on purpose.

Daniel purposed in his heart that he would not defile himself with the portion of the king’s meat.

Jesus told his disciples to “count the cost” when it came to the Christian life.

Paul said in Philippians 3:7 “But what things were gain to me, those I counted loss for Christ.”

This means, having a Christian home will require being CONSCIENTIOUS.

Or as the Bible says, “See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise,”

 

I. In the Time with your Family


            A. Circumspectly in your WISDOM

·       16 Redeeming the time, because the days are evil.

REDEEMING: to make wise and sacred use of every opportunity for doing good, so that zeal and well doing are as it were the purchase money by which we make the time our own

 

These verses are talking about making the most of your time.

There is limited time. We are running out of time.

Every day as a parent of children, that is a day you won’t get back.

Every day as a spouse, that is a day you won’t get back.

Live wise; not foolishly.

Don’t squander the opportunities to train and mentor and love and cultivate

 

            B. Circumspectly in your WALK

Walk circumspectly – not as a fool, because the days are evil and you need to redeem the time.

·       Psalms 101:2 I will behave myself wisely in a perfect way. O when wilt thou come unto me? I will walk within my house with a perfect heart.

Walk circumspectly – like a cat on a brick wall with a Rottweiler on one side and a pit bull on the other.

SEE Proverbs 4:14-27

 

            C. Circumspectly in your WORDS

·       Exodus 23:13 And in all things that I have said unto you be circumspect: and make no mention of the name of other gods, neither let it be heard out of thy mouth.

·       Psalms 141:3 Set a watch, O LORD, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips.

 

Proverbs 25:11 A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.

FITLY: like the spokes of a wheel; deliberate; set in place

Apples of gold in pictures of silver. Valuable and intentional. Not haphazard.

Not blowing off steam.

Not nagging and constant berating and yelling.

Not venting non-stop with no mind of the impact it is having on the hearer.

NOTE: Proverbs 14:1 don't pull down your house with your mouth!

Saying disparaging things about your spouse is tearing your own house down!

Kind words.

Words of affection.

Words of affirmation.

·       Colossians 3:21 Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

Words of approval. Compliments.

 

II. In the Tolerance of their Foolishness

What you tolerate will eventually become normal.

·       Proverbs 22:15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.

 

When you ignore foolishness, you are condoning it.

When you ignore disrespect, you are approving it.

When you fail to punish sin, you are allowing it.

Wherever there is foolishness, there MUST be correction.

Foolishness without correction becomes acceptable.

Foolishness in a child that is not immediately followed up with correction is a permission slip.

A child will do wrong 10 times, and if you don’t correct them all 10 times, they won.

Foolishness without correction is a victory in the eyes of the child.

Foolishness without reproof and rebuke is viewed as toleration, and will only breed more foolishness.

If you tolerate foolishness, you are raising a fool.


Many parents are afraid of making too big of a deal over sinful behaviour.

They rarely make a big enough deal over it.

 

ILLUSTRATION: Notice how God responded to Achan’s sin in Joshua 7:1.

One man sinned. God considered it to be a sin of the entire nation. 7:11

God judged the entire nation of Israel over one man’s secret sin.

And God judged his entire family for it. Joshua 7:24-26

Remember Exodus 23:13?

Bottom line: foolishness must be corrected; it cannot grow into character flaws.

 

Tell me again how you overreact to sinful behavior and foolishness in your home!

·       If you don’t deal with talking back, they will never stop talking back.

·       If you don’t deal with that attitude, they will never get their attitude right.

·       If you don’t deal with that sense of entitlement, they will always have it.

·       If you don’t deal with that lazy streak, they will always be lazy.

·       If you don’t deal with that sloppy, unclean, nastiness, they will be nasty, unclean adults.

You have to deal with it!



The Conflicts of the Christian Family

Part 7

Proverbs 17:1 Better is a dry morsel, and quietness therewith, than an house full of sacrifices with strife.

 

Intro: Every home has conflicts. That is just life. But how these conflicts are resolved and how many of them can be prevented is a message we need to hear tonight.

 

The family that does not learn how to prevent and resolve conflicts will have anything but a Christian home.

·        The Christian Home is one that is peaceful and unified and loving.

·        The Christian Home should not look like a war zone.

·        The Christian Home should not sound like a war zone.

·        The Christian Home should not feel like a war zone.

·        The Christian Home should not resemble a battle ground.

It should be a haven; a refuge; a sanctuary from the conflicts of the world.

Your home is your castle; if you want to wage war inside the walls of your castle, you need help!

 

The conflicts will come from several places.

We will look at three specific areas tonight.

 

I. Unthoughtful Spouses

 

I’m going to go with “unthoughtful” for one simple reason.

Imagine how awesome your marriage would be if you talked to each other like it was your first date.

But after a few years, it doesn’t bother you to insult your wife and hurt her feelings.

After a few years, it is no big deal to degrade and humiliate your husband.

 

Any man that would deliberately provoke his wife is a bully and a moron.

Any woman that would deliberately provoke her husband is insane and cruel.

 

Proverbs 18

·        6 A fool’s lips enter into contention, and his mouth calleth for strokes.

·        7 A fool’s mouth is his destruction, and his lips are the snare of his soul.

 

What you say will make their day or ruin their day.

What you say can make for a wonderful, warm, peaceful, even romantic evening.

Or you can make it a tense, awkward, long, arctic blast.

Coming in the door and pushing one another’s buttons is not of God.

It’s foolish; it’s carnal; it’s destructive; it is hurtful; it’s devilish.

And doing it in front of the children, or other people is just plain dumb.

 

You can be the SOURCE of conflict, or you can be the SOLUTION to conflict.

It’s up to you.

Most of the arguments within the home come at times when the other spouse just isn’t thinking.

·        You react without thinking.

·        You make a decision without thinking.

·        You speak without thinking.

·        You answer without thinking.

 

READ Proverbs 10:8-23

 

Most conflicts in the home would be eliminated if both husband and wife lived by this verse:

·        Romans 12:10 Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;

 

Ephesians 4

·        31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:

·        32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.

 

II. Untrained Children

·        Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

 

It is your job to TRAIN them.

·        Train them how to treat authority.

·        Train them how to deal with conflict.

·        Train them how to communicate with their parents and their siblings respectfully.

·        Train them how to follow instructions and to respond to oversight and accountability.

·        Train them how to be mannerly and obedient.

·        Train them how to be courteous and respectful.

 

One of the curses that God put on the people of Israel was untrained, incorrigible children.

Isaiah 3

·        4 And I will give children to be their princes, and babes shall rule over them.

·        5 And the people shall be oppressed, every one by another, and every one by his neighbour: the child shall behave himself proudly against the ancient, and the base against the honourable.

A child that is permitted to behave himself proudly against the ancient is A CURSE.

 

Untrained children are a source of shame and embarrassment.

·        Proverbs 29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.

 

If you let them create conflict in the home as a child, they will perfect the skill when they are adults.

If you allow them to create conflict as subordinates, imagine them as a parent or a spouse!

If you tolerate conflict from a child, you teach them that it is permissible and even effective.

·        Proverbs 30:11 There is a generation that curseth their father, and doth not bless their mother.

 

You are raising babies that will one day be children.

You are raising children that will one day be teenagers.

You are raising teenagers that will one day be adults.

You are raising single children that will one day be married with children.

 

What you do, and how you train them will determine their future.

How you train them will determine their level of intelligence.

How you train them will determine who they marry.

How you train them will determine where they can work.

How you train them will determine their happiness and success as an adult.

That is up to you. That is your job as a parent.

Getting them fed and off to school is not all there is to it.

Getting them supper and bathed and into bed at night is not the hard part.

Doing their laundry and washing their clothes is the easiest thing you will do as a parent.

 

III. Unapproving Family

 

Extended family that does not approve of your decisions will create a lot of drama, heartache and conflict in your home.

Unsaved, extended family members can create conflict.

They will be more vocal with you than they were with you before you got saved.

They will fuss at you more now than they did when you were hooked on drugs.

They will get more involved in your business now than they did when you were coming in drunk.

 

It’s OK.

It has always been that way.

 

Matthew 10

·        34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.

·        35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.

·        36 And a man’s foes shall be they of his own household.

·        37 He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.

 

If you don’t feel comfortable leaving your kids there, then don’t.

That’s your call.

If you do not have peace about something, don’t ignore it!

Red flags are God’s way of keeping you and your children safe.

Do not get peer-pressured into submitting to unsaved and unapproving family members.

If they don’t agree with it, that is their problem.

You are the parent. It is your call.

 


The Control in the Christian Family

Part 8

1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

Ephesians 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.


Intro: So far in this series, we have preached about:

  • The Components

  • The Commitment

  • The Communication

  • The Consideration

  • The Circumspection

  • The Conflicts

Tonight, we are going to focus on the Control in the Home.

In order to have a Christian Home, somebody has to be in charge.

A Christian Home will not happen by accident; it will only be accomplished by careful moderation and intentional planning.

It will require strong, decisive and spiritual leadership.

Daddy – Husband – that is YOUR job.

To have a Christian Home, somebody has to be in control.

Daddy, that is your responsibility.

Mom, if Dad is not there, that is your obligation.

 

I. The Control must be Biblical

  • 1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ;

We already touched on this in a previous message, but we need to repeat this.

In the message THE CONSIDERATION of the Christian Home, I pointed out The Relevance of the Scriptures.

 

And the Bible will contradict human reasoning 100% of the time.

If you allow your opinions, philosophies, past experiences and preferences to be your guide, beware!

You cannot have a Christian Home apart from following God’s guidebook.

That means every decision and every choice must be directed by God’s wisdom found in the Scriptures.

 

Part of me wanted to read the entire chapter of Psalm 119.

The longest chapter in the Bible with 176 verses references the Word of God in every single verse.

But look at verses 33-39

 

Look at Proverbs 4:1-11

In order to have a Christian Home, those in control must insist that the family follows God’s way.

The moment you deviate from that, you open the door for great danger and destruction.

Running your home by the Scriptures will provide great safety and protection.

 

II. The Control must be Bold

There is nothing that turns my stomach any more than weak leadership.

If you’re the leader, LEAD!!!

Churches are falling apart because of weak leadership.

Bible Colleges are going liberal because of weak leadership.

Scandals and sins are being covered up because of weak leadership.

And our homes are disintegrating because of weak, spineless, incompetent leadership.

 

As a husband, do not be afraid to make a biblical decision, even if the whole family opposes you.

You’re the leader. Lead!!

 

READ 2 Samuel 6:13-23

David was attacked by his wife (a queen and a princess no less).

She mocked his fervency for God.

She insulted him with sarcasm and scorn. (vs. 20)

He didn’t let her intimidate him.

He didn’t let her dampen his enthusiasm for God.

He stood up to her and rebuked her.

NOTE: He was not uncovered. The Bible says he was wearing a linen ephod.

He had laid his kingly garments aside and she hated him for it.

Verse 16 reminds us – she saw king David.

David reminded her that he was only the king because of God.

She was consumed with his position; He was consumed with a Person.

God judged her for despising her husband after he had loved God and been good the people.

 

The leader must know what they want and know how to get it.

A leader must know where they want to go and know how to get there.

 

I am amazed at how many parents are intimidated by their children.

A child that intimidates their parents is in control.

A child whose reaction to your leadership scares you is in control of you and of your home.

If you are worried about what your child is going to do, you’ve already dropped the ball.

You must be bold in your decisions.

You must be bold in the enforcement of those decisions.

You must be bold in your response to the disobedience to those decisions.

You must be bold in your chastening.

  • Proverbs 19:18 Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.

 

Do not be afraid to make rules.

Do not be afraid to say “no.”

Do not be afraid to disappoint or hurt your child’s feelings by standing up to them.

 

Notice the seriousness of NOT leading boldly.

1 Samuel 3

  • 12 In that day I will perform against Eli all things which I have spoken concerning his house: when I begin, I will also make an end.

  • 13 For I have told him that I will judge his house for ever for the iniquity which he knoweth; because his sons made themselves vile, and he restrained them not.

  • 14 And therefore I have sworn unto the house of Eli, that the iniquity of Eli’s house shall not be purged with sacrifice nor offering for ever.

 

To have a Christian Home, somebody has to be in control.

Daddy, that is your responsibility.

Mom, if Dad is not there, that is your obligation.

 

 The Control in the Christian Family

Part 9 (a continuation of Part 8)


III. The Control must be Balanced

Deuteronomy 25

  • 13 Thou shalt not have in thy bag divers weights, a great and a small.

  • 14 Thou shalt not have in thine house divers measures, a great and a small.

  • 15 But thou shalt have a perfect and just weight, a perfect and just measure shalt thou have: that thy days may be lengthened in the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

  • 16 For all that do such things, and all that do unrighteously, are an abomination unto the LORD thy God.

 

Let me explain what this is and how it applies to us.

God hates a double standard.

God hates a two-tiered justice system.

God hates it when you do one thing for one person and another thing for another person.

God hates it because it is not honest.

It is not just, and it is not true.

God said it like this in another place.

  • Proverbs 11:1 A false balance is an abomination to the LORD: but a just weight is his delight.

 

Let us transfer this over to your leadership in the home and make an application.

Your leadership in the home must be balanced.

It must be just, and it must be fair.

One of the most important aspect of leadership in the home is consistency and balance.

A. Balanced Demeanor

B. Balanced Decisions

C. Balanced Discipline

D. Balanced Directives

 

You cannot punish your children for one set of sin and let them get away with others.

You cannot get upset over some infractions and be oblivious to others.

You cannot prioritize which responsibilities to attend to and which ones to ignore.

Your control and leadership in the home must be balanced.

Not lopsided. Not focused on one thing while ignoring the other things.

Teaching your children about God is vitally important.

But they need to be taught a lot of other things too.

 

You cannot be such a strong leader that you forget how to love.

You cannot be such a tough man that you don’t know how to show tenderness.

You cannot be so determined to be the king that you don’t know how to be kind.

You cannot properly LEAD your wife if you don’t know how to LOVE her.

You cannot properly LEAD your family if you don’t ever LISTEN to them.

You cannot pretend to be RIGHT in the times when you are WRONG.

 

You can’t get so busy providing for your family that you forget to love them and interact with them.

You can’t get so busy spending time with your family that you fail to work enough to pay the bills.

You can’t focus on their education and let them get away with matters of the heart.

You can’t celebrate carnal accomplishments and not reward wisdom and righteous choices.

You must find the balance in your leadership and cover all the areas. It is possible!!

Their spiritual, their mental, physical, emotional and financial training is all important.

  • Take care of them and lead them in every area of life, not just the easy ones.

  • It is your job to make sure they walk with God. (in the nurture and admonition of the Lord)

  • It is your job to make sure they are healthy. (teeth, weight, hygiene, diet, etc.)

  • It is your job to make sure they are smart. (read, study, push them to excel)

  • It is your job to make sure they are responsible. (chores, work, expectations)

  • It is your job to help cultivate their gifts and talents. (expand their skills; learn new things)

  • It is your job to help them overcome their struggles. (teach them to know how to fight and win)

 

It is your job to guide them, lead them, advise them, comfort them, love them, encourage them, rebuke them, instruct them, teach them, reprove them, correct them, oversee them.

To have a Christian Home, somebody has to be in control.

Daddy, that is your responsibility.

Mom, if Dad is not there, that is your obligation.


 

The Culture in the Christian Family

Part 10

Deuteronomy 11

  • 18 Therefore shall ye lay up these my words in your heart and in your soul, and bind them for a sign upon your hand, that they may be as frontlets between your eyes.

  • 19 And ye shall teach them your children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.

  • 20 And thou shalt write them upon the door posts of thine house, and upon thy gates:

 

Intro: I’ve had the privilege to live in several other countries.

My first experience as a South Georgia boy to other cultures was moving to Samoa in 1983.

I could spend hours telling stories of the cultural differences we experienced in Samoa.

For an eleven-year-old boy, it was awesome!

It rains between 150 and 200 inches a year in Samoa, so we wore flip flops.

I learned to climb coconut trees and pick coconuts.

I learned how to grate the coconut and make polusami from the leaves of the taro plant.

I learned how to harvest bananas.

I learned how to cook a pig over the hot rocks.

They raced dugout canoes “fautasi” in the harbor on Flag Day.

They rang the “sa bell” every day around 6 PM and everybody had to stop and go inside and pray.

 

My next experience was when my wife and I moved to Bloemfontein, South Africa with our three children.

We were immersed in a huge cultural melting pot.

Eleven official languages; different foods and cultures.

 

What do I mean when I talk about a Christian culture?

CULTUREnoun

1. The act of tilling and preparing the earth for crops; cultivation; the application of labor or other means of improvement.

We ought to blame the culture not the soil.

2. The application of labor or other means to improve good qualities in, or growth; as the culture of the mind; the culture of virtue.

3. The application of labor or other means in producing; as the culture of corn, or grass.

4. Any labor or means employed for improvement, correction or growth.

 

Look carefully at our text. Deuteronomy 11:18-20.

This is the development of intentional and purposeful culture being developed within the home.

 

I. A Christian Culture is a Culture of Holiness

  • Psalms 101:2 I will behave myself wisely in a perfect way. O when wilt thou come unto me? I will walk within my house with a perfect heart.

 

Sin – in any shape or form is condemned.

Righteousness is magnified.

Godly character is elevated above everything else.

From Day One, clearly defined lines are established.

God is holy; God’s Word is holy. God’s Spirit is holy.

Holiness is cultivated daily, all day long, every chance you get.

 

ILLUSTRATION: A well-known pastor told the story of how his mother found a beer can in the yard thrown out the window by a passerby. She brought her son to the place where it was and proceeded to stomp that beer can and yell BAD! BAD! BAD!! She did that with a cigarette butt found on the ground. He testified that to his dying day, whenever he saw a beer can, he remembered his mother stomping it and repeating BAD! BAD! BAD! When he was offered a cigarette in high school, all he could remember was his mother stomping it and saying BAD! BAD! BAD! What was that godly mother doing? She was developing a culture of holiness in her home.

 

I would love to have a dollar for the hundreds of times I have said to my children, “That is wicked!”

  • It could be passing something in the store aisle.

  • It could be sitting at the traffic light when a car pulls up with rock music blaring.

  • It could be a promiscuous woman walking down the sidewalk immodestly dressed.

  • It could be a person cursing and swearing in public as they complain about something.

  • It could be an ad popping up on a screen or a commercial playing on a TV in a restaurant.

  • It could be a thousand things that occur throughout the week.

I look at my kids and shake my head with disgust and I say “That is wicked!”

What am I doing? I’m developing a culture of holiness in my home.

 

Never allow unbiblical conduct or elements.

Keep your house clean and promote holiness in every aspect of the home.

 

II. A Christian Culture is a Culture of Harmony

The first home experienced horrible results because of this failure. (Cain and Abel)

There is no place in a Christian home for strife, contention, arguing, fussing, and fighting.

Absolutely under no circumstances do you allow name calling.

No screaming, raising your voice, hitting, slapping, kicking, hair-pulling permitted.

There’s nothing Christian about that.

Start when they are babies.

Grace and I said it over and over and over again when our children were babies.

We would say, “We don’t do that!” or “We don’t put up with that!”

I would look at them and say dogmatically, “We don’t allow that in this house!”

 

The mother is a key factor in establishing harmony of the home.

I am reminded of the strife between Esau and Jacob, brought about by the deeds of the mother.

The Proverbs 31 woman is known for this.

  • 10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

  • 11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

  • 12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

  • 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

  • 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

  • 28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

 

Ephesians 4, 5

  • 31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:

  • 32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.

  • 1 Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children;

  • 2 And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us,

 

One way to keep that out of the church is to keep it out of the home.

If you allow name-calling and arguing to go on in the home, it will inevitably trickle down to the church.

 

As the pastor of this church for the past ten years, I have called this church “a drama free zone.”

We will not tolerate it here. Why?

  • 1 Thessalonians 5:13 And be at peace among yourselves.

  • Acts 2:46 And they, continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, did eat their meat with gladness and singleness of heart,

 

How did we cultivate a culture of unity, harmony and peace down here at the church house?

Because I cultivated that same culture in MY house thirty years ago.

I hate it. I cannot stand it. I absolutely refuse to participate in an all-out knock-out drag-out.

A culture of harmony is cultivated. And it should be a priority because it is a Christian culture.

 

III. A Christian Culture is a Culture of Honesty

A culture that is desperately needed in this day and hour is the culture of honesty.

  • Psalms 120:2 Deliver my soul, O LORD, from lying lips, and from a deceitful tongue.

 

One of the most discouraging elements in a home is when people go back on their word.

It crushes the spirit. It damages the trust. It leads to bitterness, grudges and broken hearts.

  • Proverbs 13:12 Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life.

DEFERRED: to lead on; to drag out, postpone 

 

If you say you are going to do something, then do it!

Dad, if you promise your children something, do it!

Husband, if you promise your wife something, do it!

Mama, do what you promised!

Children, do what you said you would do!

 

Many marriages began to crumble because of dishonesty.

Many men found themselves in a marriage with a woman that they cannot trust.

Many women have found themselves trapped, married to a man that went back on his word.

 

ILLUSTRATION: When Grace and I were dating, before we were engaged, we attended a Missions Conference in Eatonton, Georgia. Dr. Stinnett Ballew was preaching. During the invitation, as people went forward, I leaned over to Grace and asked her one simple question. I asked her, “If we end up getting married, and God calls me to the mission field, will you go?” She immediately nodded her head and said “Absolutely.” We never mentioned it again. I had no plans of going to the mission field. I mean ZERO! But I knew that there was always the possibility that God might call me. I didn’t want to be married to a woman that hindered me from being able to follow God’s will. So I asked her. She said yes. We were married approximately 7 or 8 months later. That was in June of 1995. In February of 2000, nearly five years later, I sat her down and told her that God was calling us to Africa. Imagine the mess I would have been in if she “changed her mind.”  I would have been devastated! I never would have married her if I had known she would go to the mission field. Imagine where we would be today if she had gone back on her word that she gave me before we were married!

 

Teach your children to tell the truth.

You may say, “My children never lie!”

You are either naïve, or you are lying yourself.

  • Psalms 58:3 The wicked are estranged from the womb: they go astray as soon as they be born, speaking lies.

 

You have to teach children to tell the truth; they are born liars.

You have to catch them early and deal with it harshly.

If you don’t, you are asking for a wicked house!!

  • Proverbs 29:12 If a ruler hearken to lies, all his servants are wicked.

 

Be honest with each other.

Don’t lie about expenses or bills or financial situations.

That breeds distrust and causes great damage in the home.

 

JOKE: Reminds me of the woman that got pulled over for speeding, and was issued a speeding ticket. She was scared to tell her husband, so she wrote the check for the ticket and wrote in the checkbook that the $80 was for a “pullover.”

 

Don’t tell your children that their Christmas presents came from Santa Clause. That’s not true!

Don’t raise your children believing that Resurrection Sunday is when a rabbit comes out and lays colored eggs!

 

Conclusion: Going to church three times a week will not produce a Christian Home.

Bringing your children to the church for all the youth activities will not produce a Christian Home.

A Christian Home is cultivated AT HOME – every day, all day long.



The Cost of the Christian Family

Part 11


Luke 14

  • 28 For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it?

  • 29 Lest haply, after he hath laid the foundation, and is not able to finish it, all that behold it begin to mock him,

  • 30 Saying, This man began to build, and was not able to finish.

 

Intro: Having a Christian Home will cost you something.

 

A. The Building that is Undertaken – “…intending to build…”

Good intentions are not enough.

QUOTES:

  • A good intention, with a bad approach, often leads to a poor result. - Thomas A. Edison

  • The road to hell is paved with good intentions. - Samuel Johnson

 

B. The Burden that is Unpleasant – “…sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost…”

Counting the cost is a lot of trouble.

It requires a lot of planning and decision making.

The research; the math; the options; it is a painstaking process in any building project.

Parents, do your homework!

 

C. The Beholders that are Unimpressed – “…all that behold it begin to mock him,”

By the way, people are watching.

They are not a part of the intentions.

They will not help you count the cost.

But there will always be beholders.

THE HARE AND THE TORTOISE: It’s not how you start, it’s how you finish.

 

I. Family that Steal Preeminence

Notice the text:

  • Luke 14:26 If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.

 


Part 12


II. Fellowship with Sinful People

Ephesians 5:3-12

  • 3 But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints;

  • 4 Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks.

  • 5 For this ye know, that no whoremonger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.

  • 6 Let no man deceive you with vain words: for because of these things cometh the wrath of God upon the children of disobedience.

  • 7 Be not ye therefore partakers with them.

  • 8 For ye were sometimes darkness, but now are ye light in the Lord: walk as children of light:

  • 9 (For the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth;)

  • 10 Proving what is acceptable unto the Lord.

  • 11 And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them.

  • 12 For it is a shame even to speak of those things which are done of them in secret.

 

III. Fun that Sabotages Purity

Hebrews 11

  • 24 By faith Moses, when he was come to years, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter;

  • 25 Choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season;

  • 26 Esteeming the reproach of Christ greater riches than the treasures in Egypt: for he had respect unto the recompence of the reward.

  • 27 By faith he forsook Egypt, not fearing the wrath of the king: for he endured, as seeing him who is invisible.

 

There are several key aspects that make this decision a great illustration.


Notice:

1. The Maturity that he Revealed – vs. 24 “when he was come to years,”

2. The Magnitude of his Rejection – vs. 24b “he refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter”

3. The Measuring of his Riches – vs. 26 “Esteeming the reproach of Christ greater riches…”

 

HE FORSOOK EGYPT. What a statement!

Vs. 27 – He FORSOOK: to be abandoned, forsaken, to cause to be left over, to reserve, to leave remaining

He wanted NOTHING to do with Egypt.

·        He didn’t want the TITLES of Egypt. – vs. 24

·        He didn’t want the THRILLS of Egypt. – vs. 25

·        He didn’t want the TREASURES of Egypt. – vs. 26

Moses FORSOOK Egypt.

To have a Christian Family in 2024, you cannot want ANYTHING that this world has to offer.

 

A. Music – anything that doesn't fit the Biblical description of psalms, hymns, spiritual

Jesus sang hymns. That is what the Christian Family should be singing.

  • Mark 14:26 And when they had sung an hymn, they went out into the mount of Olives.

  • Ephesians 5:19 Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord;

  • Colossians 3:16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.

  • Psalms 40:3 And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the LORD.

 

B. Media –computer games, magazines, books; DVD’s, TV

  • Psalms 101:3 I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me.

·        Mark 9:47 And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out: it is better for thee to enter into the kingdom of God with one eye, than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire.

 

C. Magic - New age, sorcery, witchcraft, Harry Potter, etc.

  • Deuteronomy 18:10-12 There shall not be found among you any one that maketh his son or his daughter to pass through the fire, or that useth divination, or an observer of times, or an enchanter, or a witch,  Or a charmer, or a consulter with familiar spirits, or a wizard, or a necromancer For all that do these things are an abomination unto the LORD: and because of these abominations the LORD thy God doth drive them out from before thee.

  • Acts 19:19 Many of them also which used curious arts brought their books together, and burned them before all men: and they counted the price of them, and found it fifty thousand pieces of silver.

  • in his heart.

 

Conclusion: Are you afraid of missing out? Which would you rather miss out on?

Would you rather have Family, Friends, Fun, or good things?

  • Jeremiah 5:25 Your iniquities have turned away these things, and your sins have withholden good things from you.



Part 13

The Character of the Christian Family

Psalms 101:2 I will behave myself wisely in a perfect way. O when wilt thou come unto me? I will walk within my house with a perfect heart.

Proverbs 20:7 The just man walketh in his integrity: his children are blessed after him.

 

The word “character” is not in the Bible.

We do have the word INTEGRITY and BEHAVE.

David the Psalmists used both words to describe his character.

The Apostle Paul stressed the importance of

 

BEHAVE: to be prudent, be circumspect, wisely understand, prosper, be circumspect, to look at or upon, have insight, to give attention to, consider, ponder, be prudent, to have insight, have comprehension

INTEGRITY: completeness, fulness. innocence, simplicity

 

A. It is a Character that is Purposed – I will behave myself…

Just in the book of Psalms alone, we find the phrase “I will…” 145 times!

Verses like:

·        Psalms 26:6 I will wash mine hands in innocency:

·        Psalms 26:11 But as for me, I will walk in mine integrity:

·        Psalms 38:18 For I will declare mine iniquity; I will be sorry for my sin.

·        Psalms 86:11 Teach me thy way, O LORD; I will walk in thy truth:

·        Psalms 101:3 I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me.

·        Psalms 101:4 A froward heart shall depart from me: I will not know a wicked person.

David said I WILL.. sing, praise, fear thee, remember, meditate, walk, pay my vows, call upon God, etc.

 

The problem with most households is that there is a tremendous lack of WILLPOWER!!

 

B. It is a Character that is Perfect – “…behave myself wisely in a perfect way.”

PERFECT: complete, whole, entire, whole, sound, healthful, complete, entire (of time), wholesome, unimpaired, innocent, having integrity, what is complete or entirely in accord with truth and fact

 

Noah was a perfect man.

·        Genesis 6:9 These are the generations of Noah: Noah was a just man and perfect in his generations, and Noah walked with God.

 

God said to Abraham:

·        Genesis 17:1 And when Abram was ninety years old and nine, the LORD appeared to Abram, and said unto him, I am the Almighty God; walk before me, and be thou perfect.

 

God told the nation of Israel:

·        Deuteronomy 18:13 Thou shalt be perfect with the LORD thy God.

 

Job was perfect:

·        Job 1:1 There was a man in the land of Uz, whose name was Job; and that man was perfect and upright, and one that feared God, and eschewed evil.

 

C. It is a Character that is Private – “I will walk within my house with a perfect heart.”

It starts in the home – in private – when nobody else is watching.

 

The Bible gives us some more details about David’s character, his behavior.

There was a progression that resulted because of this behaviour.

 

I. Character that produced a Positive Impression

·        1 Samuel 18:5 And David went out whithersoever Saul sent him, and behaved himself wisely: and Saul set him over the men of war, and he was accepted in the sight of all the people, and also in the sight of Saul’s servants. 

 

Paul wrote to the church of Corinth that true Christ-like charity:

·        1 Corinthians 13:5 Doth not behave itself unseemly,

 

The Apostle Paul stressed the importance of their holy behavior.

·        1 Thessalonians 2:10 Ye are witnesses, and God also how holily and justly and unblameably we behaved ourselves among you that believe:

·        2 Thessalonians 3:7 For yourselves know how ye ought to follow us: for we behaved not ourselves disorderly among you;

 

He even stressed to Timothy the importance of his behavior.

·        1 Timothy 3:15 But if I tarry long, that thou mayest know how thou oughtest to behave thyself in the house of God…

 

The saved wife can win a lost husband with her conversation.

1 Peter 3

·        1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

·        2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

 

II. Character that produced a Priceless Intimacy

·        1 Samuel 18:14 And David behaved himself wisely in all his ways; and the LORD was with him.

 

I believe two things are true:

Time with God will produce godly character.

Godly character will produce an environment where God will want to show up.

 

Do you want it to be said that the Lord is with you in your home?

 

III. Character that produced a Providential Insulation 

·        1 Samuel 18:15 Wherefore when Saul saw that he behaved himself very wisely, he was afraid of him.

 

Saul started eyeing David in verse 9.

Saul tried to kill David twice in 10 and 11.

But notice verse 12.

Saul was afraid of David. Why?

Verse 12 says it was because the Lord was with him.

But verse 15 says it because David behaved himself wisely.

Look at verse 29.

 

God protects those that live right.

The Lord was with Joseph.

·        Genesis 39:3 And his master saw that the LORD was with him, and that the LORD made all that he did to prosper in his hand.

·        Genesis 39:21 But the LORD was with Joseph, and shewed him mercy, and gave him favour in the sight of the keeper of the prison.

·        Genesis 39:23 The keeper of the prison looked not to any thing was under his hand; because the LORD was with him, and that which he did, the LORD made it to prosper.

 

The Lord protected Samuel from the awful influences of the sons of Eli and Eli’s disconnect.

·        1 Samuel 3:19 And Samuel grew, and the LORD was with him, and did let none of his words fall to the ground.

 

IV. Character that produced Powerful Influence

·        1 Samuel 18:30 Then the princes of the Philistines went forth: and it came to pass, after they went forth, that David behaved himself more wisely than all the servants of Saul; so that his name was much set by.

This is what you’re looking for as a dad and a husband in your home – RESPECT.

“…so that his name was much set by.”

 

Notice verse 16 - But all Israel and Judah loved David, because he went out and came in before them.

Your children will love and respect a man of character.

A wife will love and respect a man of character.

Character begins at home – when you determine that you will walk wisely with a perfect heart in your house!


Part 14

The Contentment with the Christian Family

Psalm 128

  • 1 Blessed is every one that feareth the LORD; that walketh in his ways.

  • 2 For thou shalt eat the labour of thine hands: happy shalt thou be, and it shall be well with thee.

  • 3 Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round about thy table.

  • 4 Behold, that thus shall the man be blessed that feareth the LORD.

  • 5 The LORD shall bless thee out of Zion: and thou shalt see the good of Jerusalem all the days of thy life.

  • 6 Yea, thou shalt see thy children’s children, and peace upon Israel.

 

Intro: Let's end with the same verses we started this series with.

Notice how many times you find the word “blessed” or “bless.”

·        The word “happy” in verse 2.

·        The phase “well with thee” in verse 2.

·        Thou shalt see “the good” all the days of thy life – vs. 5

·        Thou shall see thy grandchildren – and peace. – vs. 6

 

There will never be a day when your family reaches perfection.

We will never “apprehend” while on this earth.

You will never arrive as a parent, and your children will never arrive.

There is no such thing as the perfect husband, perfect wife, perfect parents, perfect children and perfect family.

That is just not going to happen as long as we are in the fleshly bodies.

But there will and can and should come a day when things reach a point of consistency.

 

How can you know you’ve finally reached the goal of all your efforts to have a Christian Family?

Happy shalt thou be.

Your happiness, the wife being happy, the children being happy, and more importantly – God being happy is huge!!

That’s what you’re shooting for.

Being happy at home is the goal.

Having a contented, peaceful, unified, loving home environment is all anyone is asking for.

I want to close out this series with this final message and I’ve only got three points.

 

I. Contented with the Rules

 

               A. No Debate

There is no Debate about right and wrong

If you spend all your time trying to convince someone that they did something wrong, you’ve got a long way to go.

That should be established early on.

A baseline of biblical truth to establish a foundation.

·        Should start before marriage.

·        Should be established before having children.

·        Should be communicated and agreed upon early on.

 

If people’s first response is, “There’s nothing wrong with that…” then you’ve failed to build the foundation.

 

               B. No Disobedience

The first family was thrown into sin because of disobedience.

Cain ended up killing his brother, and it all started with disobedience.

A happy, contented family is a family that has submitted to God’s Word and walks in obedience.

A miserable family is one where there is always that one person that insists on doing it their way instead of God’s.

 

               C. No Disregard

God’s Word has been firmly established as the Final Authority for all matters of faith and practice.

If God said it, that’s what you do.

If God said don’t do it, that is what you don’t do.

 

II. Contented with the Relationships

Not because it is perfect, but because it is good.

Not because there are no imperfections; but because there are no indignations.

The love in the home has covered a multitude of sins.

·        1 Peter 4:8 And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins

No drama. No discord.

No disrespect. No disdain.

No disgruntled relationships.

No disguises and deceit.

 

An atmosphere of love and affection.

 

III. Contented with the Results

 

The goal of every family is to look back on their time with as few regrets as possible.

A life of selfishness and sin will produce a ton of guilt, shame, regrets and remorse.

Living the rest of your life saying, “I wish had done this or that…” is a hard way to live.

Many people live that way now to being saved later in life or not knowing the truth.

But there are a lot of people that can make the decision now to do things God’s way.

You’ll be much happier with the results.

The family is compared to a crop in this chapter.

The family is likened to agriculture.

I’m preaching about being contended with the results.

There’s not much contentment in CROP FAILURE!!

 

·        You’ll produce a better marriage. “Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house…”

You’ll have more good memories than bad.

You’ll have more good times than bad times.

You’ll do a lot more kissing and a lot less kicking.

You’ll do a lot more hugging than you do hurting.

You’ll do more holding hands than holding grudges.

 

·        You’ll produce better children. “…thy children like olive plants round about thy table.

You’ll enjoy your children rather than endure them.

When they come home from school, you’ll be filled with excitement instead of exasperation.

Your time together will be joyful rather than mournful.

They will be a blessing and not a burden.

They will respect you and obey you.

They will be a help around the house.

 

·        You’ll produce better grandchildren. “Yea, thou shalt see thy children’s children…”

You won’t look back on your time as a parent and beat yourself up so much.

You’ll enjoy the second generation of your labors.

You will be grateful that you poured your heart and soul into your children.

You’ll see them take what you taught them and they are passing it down to their children.

 

Conclusion: I saw something while dissecting this chapter.

·        4 Behold, that thus shall the man be blessed that feareth the LORD.

 

·        The word “be blessed” in verse 4 is not the same Hebrew word as the “bless” in verse 1.

·        The word “bless” in verse 1 is the word for “happy.”

·        The word “bless” in verse 4 is the word for praise or to salute or to congratulate.

 

It is my prayer that God will look down on my home and family and salute it.

I want God to congratulate me on a job well done.

It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it!

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